Loyality
The worthiness of your life and your existence
is not a stated bad value measured whereby your wicked bearen miseries.
You top out at being of extreme value to me.
Ruth Dellhofen (february 16, 2022) - for my nephew Lukas
Child of Glass
You are born on March 1, 1995.
It was a holy day.
And it will always be.
Much too early, too small and like a child of glass you fell into this cold place, lying alone in a cold plexiglas box in a huge diaper.
I realized much too late that no little life never should be wrested from its mothers warmth - for no reason.
You were so very much vulnerable and your skin was such transparent, that I could watch your tiny heart beat and see the blood flowing through your veins.
And my love for you flow with it.
You seemed so fragile, so delicate. And I know you still are.
Everyone disregarded this from the first day of your life until the last day we saw.
a family-history of destruction
Your mother was abused from child to adult in the presence of the mother.
The whole sisters of your mother suffered the same cruel fate.
Your mother was adult, but she was a sensible child, when she gave you life.
And your father was her rapist.
She had to pretend love for the evil,
to be able to survive this depravation.
She is a victim.
Forgive her all her motherly defaults!
The hated unborn
Your father was a raping narcicist, from child to adult.
His mother tried to kill him several times while he was still just 'swiming' in his mothers body.
He received just hate from the inside to the outside, from the first time his little life began.
He is a victim.
Forgive him all the destruction and coldness!
Grief and legal Drugs-Treatment
The story of your grandparents is another book to write.
My parents by law.
And my father is so very far away from us since he was killed by an industrie of doom in 2014.
My mother, your grandmother, is a victim of grief.
A victim of systematic pathologized
grief.
From the legal drugs of the system to the legal but wanted and concurrent discredited drugs of the system.
A schock - followed by drug induced neurodegeneratively emotional blunting.
She is a vicitim.
Forgive her!
Forgive me
You struggled your whole life.
Maybe you even didn't notice it for a long time.
Maybe not even now.
And I don't know where you are now.
I lost your track.
All of our time together was not normal in a life of a baby, a child, a kid, a young adult.
I wish I could have saved you already out of the newborn plastic
box in march 1995.
I was not very much helpful.
They polydrugged me to disability and near to death.
Just because of grief.
I also were a victim.
Where are you?
8 years have passed.
I am not the victim anymore.
I left the cage and the stage of grief, of sedation, of silence, of just watching and staring.
And where are you?
I fought to find your track, but I did not succeed.
BUT I won't give up! Never!
You have always been near to the only human being that's 'a family'
for my heart.
I miss you, Luki.
Take good care for you in those dangerous times.
