I look up to the sky and think. About life, about friends, about memories but mostly about my depression and my anxiety.
Better said: I don't think about depression and anxiety, depression and anxiety think for me. It's like a weird button that gets pressed when I look up to the stars.
Bad thoughts all over the place, being scared because the future is happening with every second and I know I'm wasting my future because I know: I'm still going to lie here and I'm still going
to watch the stars.
And then I think of things people tell me I do wrong and things I believe I do wrong and suddenly I have one wish. Being a part of the stars.
But when I think about all the aspects of stars, I guess we are pretty similar.
One star is a part of a really huge galaxy, just like humans that are part of a huge crowd of people on this planet. Every star has its own little life, some are just burning or shining, some are struggling and they explode because they can't stand the pain.
Some are flying around no matter what
is going to come their way. They are all different but still, they all consist of coal.
All the stars are beautiful in their ways and all of them are a part of something bigger. And some of them will never be seen by me. Just like people that will never be seen in a crowd. Some stars explode by themselves and I will never see it, just like people that die or commit suicide and I will never know about it. Stars have names, just like people...
I realize that I don't have to wish for being a star.
I am a star already.
I'm one of those stars that is too far
away from earth to be seen in this large crowd of stars.
And one day, I'm about to explode.