Sometimes someone hurts you so bad that it stops hurting at all. Until something makes you feel again and then it all comes back. Every word, every hurt and every moment. My past defines me. This is who I am. I am unseen. I am unheard. I am unwanted. That is what I am, if even I am anything. Deeper and deeper I fell within myself. And nothing could show me out. How could you ever understand where I come from. Even if you ask, even if you listen. You do not really hear, or see or feel. You do not remember my story. You have not walked my path. You have not seen what I have seen. Trapped in the misery of my life. Lost in the sorrow of my soul. Nothing
was how it suppose to be. And a heavy sadness filled my soul. And maybe you wonder why, but mostly you try not to think about it, and try to survive. I wish someone would tell me it is gonna be okay. That one day, maybe I feel normal. That I will have a mum who will hug me and be strong for me. I know I am helpless. I can not do it all by myself, but that is that what I have told the others.
I am not pushing you away. I am holding on for dear life, but I need you to need me back. I am what is wrong and there is nothing I can do about it. If I am not hurting myself, I am hurting everyone around me and there is nothing I can do
about it. I am broken. It hurts so bad, I can not breathe. I can not do worse. I was screaming „God, can’t you see me?! Really look at me!“. If that makes me weak then fine, I am weak, but I can not handle you. I can not handle you being gone. I am not angry, I am in pain. And you put me here. The person who was supposed to love me more than anything. I kept waiting, praying. I was trapped in there screaming at you „Just help me, please! You are supposed to help people! Why didn’t you help me? Stop saying you’re sorry!“. I can not love you and I can not hate you because it is running my life. I am not perfect. The only thing I can say „You’re my family and when you
want this in the future too, stop hurting me and stop beating me“.
