Sonstiges
the journey - part one

coming home

She walks through the soft green grass and it gives in under the weight of her steps. This is what she waited for for years, this is what she wanted but couldn’t have. She never thought it would be so hard to learn how to walk, but now she feels it was all worth it. All the storms, all the pain, all the hunger and all the tears. Everything was there for a reason and now she finally can see. Now she can finally see the connections between all the moments she thought were senseless, the answers to all the why’s. She learned how to walk, step by step, like a child, and now she knows

why she fell so often and now she knows why she had to get up again and learn on. This might not seem like a happy end for others, but it is the happiest end she could imagine. It is the feeling of freedom, the ability to finally breathe in a fresh and clear air, her lungs are filled with joy and peace and her eyes are wide open, not barely open, wide open, not tired, but awake and expecting, trying to see everything and not to miss a single thing. There is this great meadow lying in front, beside and behind – everywhere. Here and there are some trees, with beautiful, red and ripe fruits, she can hear the birds sing, she can see the grass dance and feel the

wind speak. Everything is loud and calm at the same time, it is a peaceful calmness and a peaceful noise. A tiny blue tit fledgling flies up to her and when she reaches out her arm towards it, it lands on her index finger, totally unafraid. It looks right into her face and huddles it’s head against her hand. > Well, good morning little guy! < says she and her friend begins to twitter. She walks on and sees a hill disturbing the straight horizon line, and now that she saw it, a path appears in front of her feet, small golden paving stones litter the grass and their golden color shines in the light of the…where is the sun? She looks into the sky and all around, but

there is no sun. Where does the light come from? It is bright and constant everywhere, so there seems to be no source. It just fills everything and lights every corner. The small bird in her hand looks at her as if it couldn’t understand why she stopped and looks around. It tweets cautiously and she walks on, knowing that she couldn’t find out anyway. The light was so bright and shining and warming, just like the sun. And it finally makes her smile. She walks faster and faster, and faster and faster appear the paving stones, leading her way across the meadow. She loves the grass between her toes, tickling her feet and covering her skin, but still she

even starts running because something in her drags her closer to the hill, closer and closer, she can’t wait to reach it, though she has no idea what is waiting there. So she comes closer step by step by step by step by – she stops. Her feet are covered by crystal clear water, cool and blue, flowing over her skin. The blue tit flaps away and sits down again a few meters afar. She didn’t notice that she was running into a creek. She takes a step forward onto the other side. Suddenly, out of the blue, the stream grows and grows, the water is at her thighs already, now at her hips, it flows around her body and she feels like she’s being cleaned, as if all the dirt, the

sweat, the tears and wounds are washed away, and it feels so good that she takes step into the water. And another one. With every step the water gets higher and higher, it’s at her shoulders now and she just can’t get enough, so she tries to take another step, which is surprisingly easy, as if the water can’t hold her back at all, and she goes on and on until the water reaches her chin, her lips, her nose, her ears, her eyes and now she’s all under water. She cannot breathe but she doesn’t need to. All she needs is feeling the water purifying her body, her mind, her soul and her heart. All she sees is blue crystals surrounding her and she feels how she slowly and gently

floats upwards and she reaches the top and feels how the weight of the crystals disappears, she touches the ground and walks out of the stream, now she can hear the noise of the waves crushing on the riverside. She doesn’t know how long she was in the water, but the blue tit looks at her as if it had to wait forever. > Oh, I’m so sorry, now we’re going to go up the hill, alright? < Satisfied the little bird takes it place in her hand again and she goes straight up. Again the golden stones secure her steps and seem to just pop up wherever she walks. She turns around to see if the stones on the grass are still there but they are gone. The bird, she decided to

call it Pie, twitters impatiently and it remembers her that she couldn’t wait to get up herself. She begins to walk faster again and the closer she got to the top, the more her view seems to blur, everything seems to be hazy, she screws up her eyes and believes to see a wall up there, like a town wall, and she just hopes that the gates are open. It looks like she is lucky, she has reached the town and the gates are wide open, obviously they can’t even be closed, because it’s more like an archway than a gate. She enters the city and the beauty and perfection overwhelm her, Pie seems to be totally excited, because he hops up and down and twitters sometimes.

Stunned she paces through the streets when suddenly a woman comes up to her: > Oh finally you are here, you were so brave, so strong…<, and she hugs and squeezes her, > I knew you can make it. I knew it, I always had trust in you. I’m so proud of you and so glad that you are here! < She is surprised because she didn’t expect this and eyes her opponent up. > Don’t you recognize me? <, the woman smiles as she lets go and sees her skeptical look. She is young, probably approximately 23 years old, and incredibly beautiful, she is rather small but her eyes shine bright green and her long brown hair flies in the wind. These eyes, somehow she

knows these eyes, they seem so warm and familiar, just as if she has looked into them a million times before. > Mrs. Gear? < she stutters. > Oh honey, please call me Justine, now that we are almost the same age. Didn’t you know I’m going to be waiting here for you, Anna Grace? < No, actually she didn’t. Or maybe she forgot. Right now she doesn’t know anything; she just stares at the woman that used to be 50 when they first met. > I don’t, this is…I mean, what was…and why? < >Oh sweetie, how often did I tell you? Don’t always ask why. Sometimes, when you can’t find a reason, it is just because. < Justine Gear wants to grab her hand but

Anna takes it away. Justine looks at her quite confused but Anna just smiles at her and opens it. A little afraid and trembling the poor bird appears, looking at Anna and Justine, totally insecure. > I’m so sorry, little boy! < exclaims Justine, > Did I squeeze you? Come here, it’s alright! < It looks like Pie has lost all it’s fear, because he hops into her hand, snuggles up and then hops back into Anna’s. Now Justine takes Anna’s other hand and walks along the streets. > Where are we going? < asks the still impressed girl. > You really have to ask this? Just wait 'til we’re there! <

meeting the king

Anna’s heart somehow beats faster and faster, without any reason, and she frequently asks > When will we finally be there? <. She doesn’t even ask where they’re going, she just gets nervous and hopes they’re going to arrive soon, because she feels that it is going to be special. Justine stops and Anna looks up. Wow. She looks up and up and up, the building in front of her seems to have no end. It is a huge building; it almost looks like a basilica, well maybe, because it is one. > What is this…? < but Justine doesn’t answer, she just drags Anna into the great hall. People over people, so

many of them, it’s like a flood of people and Anna feels like she’s drowning. All at once there is a voice, loud and clear, and it makes Anna break out in tears, she breaks down and all of a sudden kneels on the floor, her head bowed deeply while suddenly everything got quiet. > There she is. This is my girl, my beautiful daughter. My pride and the love of my life. Look at her – isn’t she perfect? Isn’t she wonderful? She is the girl my heart longs for, and I love her deeply. I’m not ashamed of her, she’s mine. Look at her scars, look at her tears, look at all the things people would call bad. I see all of this, I know where these scars are from, I know what she

shed the tears for. I know her fears and I know all the thoughts she shouldn’t have and all the words she shouldn’t say and yet, yet I love her with all my heart. She betrayed me and she hurt me, she disappointed me and turned away from me. She cheated on me and she hated me. But I forgive her; I don’t want to live without her. I love her too much to ever let go of her. I fought for her and helped her up, I showed her my love and I cried about her, I gave her strength and took her hand to lead her. I never let go of her. And now, finally, finally she is here with me. She is at the end of her journey. Oh, how I love this girl. < Anna, still in tears and sobbing, hears

steps coming closer, someone in front of her gets on his knees and locks her in his arms. This moment lasts forever and Anna wants it to never end, she is crying, but it relieves her, with every tear it gets better, and with every sobbing he holds her tighter. After a while he lets go but still holds her arms > Stop crying, my love. You are here now, it is over. It is alright. < She finally looks at him, thinking it will be okay, but looking into his deep beautiful eyes makes her break down again. In this one moment she looked at him, everything broke down on her like a wave. It was like a wave of pain, all the pain she put him through, all the things

she did knowing they are wrong, all the times she loved someone else more than him, every time she denied to know him; she could all see it in his eyes. He takes her head into his hands, gently pushes it up and forces her to look into his eyes again. They are soft and clear, warm and loving, deep and bright. He closes his eyes and tenderly kisses her on the forehead. She drops her gaze and whispers > I’m so sorry…I’m so ashamed. < > Beauty, you don’t have to be ashamed, for you are forgiven! < he smiles and hugs her again. Then he gets up and proclaims > My daughter is home! < and suddenly all the people around seem to wake up and break out in

rejoicing, cheering. They come up to her, encouraging her and helping her up. > We knew you’d make it! < > We thought of you all the time! < > We’re so glad you’re here! < He takes her hand and smiles at her. > Justine is going to show you everything. <, Justine smiles and nods, > you can come to me at any time; I’ll be here for you! < Anna feels the wounds in the palm of his hand and smiles; she has finally realized that she’s at home. This is home. Justine takes her hand and takes her outside > Come on, hurry up! < and she runs through the streets of this beautiful town. > There it is <, she smiles and points at a house, similar to all other ones. > This…is

mine? <, Anna can’t believe it. She gets a step closer, very slowly. Cautiously her fingertips touch the bricks, somehow they feel…right. > What is this? < Justine looks at her serious but friendly. > This is a tear, this is your anger, this is your fear, this is your despair and this is your hate. All the things, all the bad things and all the hopes you surrendered to him, he turned them into something good. Into something good in your life, and into a brick for your home here. They are pure now, even holy. It is here because you let it go. < As soon as Anna’s entered the room, she has to take a seat, this is quite heavy and strange for her, though

it seems familiar at the same time. Justine breathes in as if she wants to say something but she is interrupted by a loud and huge choir, their voices get louder and louder as if they are coming closer, which makes Justine totally excited so she hops up and down. > Come on, come on, let us join them! Please hurry!! <, she just cannot hide her joyful anticipation. And while they enter the crowd Anna knows that this is where she belongs, this mass of singing, dancing, rejoicing people. And above them, in the sky, there flies a little blue tit, joining them with his sweet twittering.